Three weeks from today

I know today is a day the 75th anniversary of the day that will live in infamy.   As a student of history, it is an important day for remembrance. However, there is something else on my mind about this day.   Three weeks from today, my eldest daughter will be married.

 I have had multiple people ask me lately how I feel about that. Am I ready for that?   We have been making plans for the big day, with my wife doing a bulk load of that planning.   So, from a preparation standpoint, things seem to be coming together well.   In that sense, yes, I am ready.

 How do I feel about her getting married?    I feel excited for her, for them.   I am hopeful for their future.  I am not overly anxious about the wedding or beyond.   I have concerns, as all parents do for their children.  However, I believe my wife and I have raised her well.   She has done well for herself since she has "left the nest."   She is intelligent, determined, strong-willed, kind, and caring.   And, by all accounts to date, she has found a good man.   And, most importantly, they both are looking to God for direction and guidance.

You can ask me again three weeks from today how I'm feeling.  And, while there might be a few more emotions flowing, I do not believe my feelings about the matter change much.

Day 51 (Nov. 29) - Thankful

Today I want to express gratitude. I am thankful for four men whose friendship I have truly appreciated over the last year.  Each one has been an invaluable resource--an ear to listen, a voice of reason and wisdom, faithful in prayer, and a source of strength--upon which I have relied heavily. 

I am thankful for church leadership who has been overwhelmingly supportive of my family these past number of years, and especially the past few years. Their love has shown so clearly in both tangible and intangible ways. They have exemplified being God's hands extended. 

I am thankful for friends and family near and far.  I am appreciative of their love and support.

I am grateful for my four children.  I count each one a blessing with whom God has richly blessed my wife and me. 

I am incredibly grateful for my wife. For the woman she is, the incredible worth that she has, for God's hand that has been on her throughout her life. My life is truly richer and better because of her.

I thank God for all the blessings he has given me. Blessings to numerous to count.  Blessings for which I am not worthy. Provisions for my family. 

I am grateful and indebted to many, but most of all my Savior. 

Day 44 (Nov. 22)- Cookies and the EU

In reviewing the blog notices and disclaimers, decided to confirm that my blog meets EU specs for advising people that Blogger/Google uses cookies for tracking visits.  It works.  Who knew I had multiple domains?  See https://1kyleriley.blogspot.co.uk, for example.

Day 42 (Nov. 20) - In my head

There are too many thoughts going through my head this evening.  What am I doing that's making a difference in other people's lives?  What needs to happen this week?  What does my future at work hold?  Where will the next job be?  How can I better provide for our future?  When am I going to do something I feel called to do?  What's the next year look like?  5 years?  10 years?  Where will the kids be in that time?  Am I planning enough?  Am I trusting God enough? Have I trusted God enough?  Am I living a godly life before my family and friends?

It's time to slow down and process them.  To unwind and head to bed.

Day 41 (Nov. 19) - Solo flight

Do you remember when you first got your driver's license?  I do.  I had to take the driver's test the second time because the examiner said I didn't slow down to 15 mph by the time I hit in the school zone by Meadowlark School (I believe that was a parallax error on her part) and I hit the curb while parallel parking.  But, after passing the second attempt, that feeling of independence struck as soon as the temporary license was given to me.  To be able to drive yourself to youth group, to a friend's house, or to McDonald's.  That was pretty cool. 

That feeling of excitement that you have when you first got to drive on your own is compounding when you get to go flying on your own.  There is also trepidation that comes along with knowing that you're all alone in a vehicle.  You have to follow the rules of the road and drive responsibly, especially if there are others in the car.  But, in a car, you can always just pull over if you need to slow down and think.  In a plane, it's a little more difficult.

I had the opportunity to solo a flight student last Sunday afternoon.   It was outside of our normally scheduled flight block because it was his 20th birthday and he thought it would be neat to solo on his birthday.  I couldn't have agreed more. 

After waiting to see what the wind was going to do as the forecast was for winds that would exceed the school's SOP stipulations for solo flight.  But, as I was picking up a late lunch, we found that the winds were a lot calmer than the forecast, so we both headed for the airport.

The lesson is set up so that you first go up with the student to allow him to a few flights in the pattern to get comfortable (and to make sure you as the instructor are comfortable with the student's abilities).  I told him beforehand that we'd plan on three or four landings, see how he we were both feeling at that point and then also see if the winds would still cooperate. 

After the student pre-flighted the airplane and I did my walk around, we when through the requisite checklist, got our clearance to taxi and headed towards the run-up area for 28R.  Despite it being a Sunday afternoon, which are normally light days for air traffic in Billings, we ended up having ATC given us various directions to accommodate a smooth flow of traffic.  The student was handling things fairly well, but he decided after the third landing that he wanted to do a few more before we headed back to Flight Ops.  The fourth pattern was a left hand pattern, which although normal for most runways is an exception for landing on the right side of parallel runways.

The fifth landing was a greaser, and I told the student to take me back to the Ops building.  After shutting the engine down, I filled out his logbook with the required endorsements, talked about the preference for his doing stop and go landings and to remember that he could always go around.  With no final questions, I wished him well and shut the door.

To say that there isn't an bit of fear as an instructor when you cut a student loose for the first time would be lying.  I wouldn't let him go if I didn't think we had covered everything required to review by the regulations and for safe operation of the aircraft.  But, you always wonder if he'll remember what you've taught him when you're not there to take over.  It's like handing the car keys to your child for the first time.  I've done that three times now, soloing students only twice.

I soloed in a Cessna 152 at Harvey Airfield in Snohomish, WA, on August 4, 1995.  The two-seat 152, which has a gross takeoff weight of just over 1600 pounds, is not a big plane.  And, the difference in climb performance when you suddenly lose 150 pounds was pretty astonishing.  The plane departed the runway and climbed towards the heavens like a homesick angel.  It was weird to not have an instructor sitting to the right of me.  And yet, it felt right.  It felt good.

To make a long story short, my student successfully did three solo takeoffs and landings on that beautiful late Sunday afternoon (over 21 years after my solo--my student is 20; yes, I felt old).  I was able to get a video of his first takeoff, and shot some pictures as he was taxiing back to the ramp.  The look on his face as he was shutting down the engine was one of pure joy.  That look was on his face for the next 20-30 minutes.  I remember that feeling.  It's exhilarating.  It's one unlike few others.

We then followed the tradition of cutting the shirt tails of the student (although in hindsight I did that wrong).  I signed his shirt and it's now hanging on the wall up at Flight Ops.  What a day it was.  The student was excited and I was happy for him.  What a way to spend a birthday.  I don't think that feeling will ever get old, as a solo student or as an instructor.

Day 40 (Nov. 18) - Pictures = 1,000 words

I spent a few hours last night with my mother sorting through two decades worth of pictures.  It's interesting the thoughts and memories that come back when you see different images.  There were pictures of happiness and joy.  Pictures of sadness (usually the kids' sadness/unhappiness).  There were images of people no longer with us.  There were photos of places and things that have changed.  People that have changed (age, weight and otherwise).

What I saw were people that have special places in my heart.  What I felt was gladness, joy, thankfulness.  I'm thankful for the family and friends that God has placed in my life.  I'm thankful that he has brought some amazing adventures to date.  I trust that he has a number more over the horizon.

Oh, my eldest daughter gets married in forty days.

Day 39 (Nov. 17) - Perspective, Part II

What's my perspective?  It's shaped by my history.

I'm the grandson of a Danish immigrant, who on his 20th birthday arrived at Ellis Island in New York on April 2, 1905, aboard the S.S. Celtic.  I've seen a picture of the ship's manifest.  It's amazing to see that piece of history.  As a young teen, he worked aboard a steam ship for a number of years before coming to America.  He went with acquaintances to Wisconsin to work on a dairy farm, then moved farther west working on grain farms before finally homesteading on his own in 1907 in Dawson County, Montana.  He married my grandmother, who was 31 years his younger, nearly 36 years later.  Her father was the one of the first pastors of the Amish church near the family's homestead, the beginnings of the church attended by both of my families.

My maternal grandparents, who to my knowledge are of mostly German descent, were also from a long line of farmers.  My mother's father, born in Fergus Falls, MN, the third oldest of 13, left school after the eight grade to begin working.  He worked in the Civilian Conservation Corps before also planting roots in Eastern Montana, where he began to farm, married and started a family.

My adopted grandparents both served our country during the Second World War.  My grandfather was one of the thousands that stormed Normandy on D-Day.  My grandmother because a nurse to support the war effort and was an RN for over forty years.  My grandfather, after his service, would go to work for the highway department, from which he retired in the late 70's.


I'm the oldest of 17 grandchildren on my mother's side, and eighth of 18 on my father's side (and fourth of 16 on the adopted side).  I'm the half brother to four younger siblings.  I'm among the minority of lefties in the world (and the families). 

My familial history, while incredibly important, does not explain everything.  I never met my paternal grandfather, who passed away at 87, 18 months before I was born.  My parents' separation before I was born led to my adoption into a new family.  But, I have read his writings, and I've seen his nature in his children. That's the other key to perspective.

It's the experiences I had that created the other important filter in my perspective.  My maternal grandmother and grandfather allowed me to be at their side often during my early years, be it at the kitchen table, in church on Sunday, in the Butler "quonset," or in the field (via tractor, combine, truck or denim jacket).  My paternal grandmother fostered a relationship between my father and me, and had me over many times, even after we moved away.  My aunts and uncles on all three sides provided me with so many wonderful memories and experiences.  I was "blessed" to have a third family who cared for me.

With this perspective, I've built a worldview.  I've developed a faith.  I've acquired a desire to be a life-long learner (I suggest the last two, faith and life-long learning, are the keys to developing a proper perspective).  And, I've continued experiencing the world.  I'm the first in my family to have married a non-Caucasian. I became the first to have graduated with a bachelor's degree on my maternal side.  I'm the only pastor's husband in any of my three families.

In the midst of my history and experience, I met a woman with whom I've fallen in love.  A woman whose own life's journey has provided her with a unique perspective.  While we had tangential similarities in childhood, we also had vastly different circumstances that shaped our perspectives.

My wife and I have been together 24 years, married for 23 (we married young).  We've had four amazing children, who are each so wonderfully unique.  We've been on many adventures.  We've had triumphs, and we've had failures.  We've had struggles as do all couples, as happens when two distinctly unique individuals decide to covenant and do life together.  But, in it all, we've had the gracious hand of God with us our entire lives, guiding and directing.

The multi-faceted aspect of each of our lives provides a unique set of lenses through which every person sees life.  I  understand that is a fact that is true of ever human that I meet, and with whom I get to interact.  I want them to know that I value their perspective.  I trust that I will act accordingly in showing them that desire.

Day 38 (Nov. 16) - Perspective

There's been so much talk over the past weeks and months about political candidates and platforms that it feels like such a relief to have the election over and done.  However, the results of the recent elections, especially the presidential election, have not quieted the rhetoric, at least not from the masses.  And, what may have been friendly banter has turned into fear and hatemongering.

If you haven't been in Antarctica for the past year, if you've followed the news recently, if you have seen any social media feed (not necessarily a source for accurate, objective news) over the past 10 days, it seems as though the results of the recent vote has stirred the fears of a great many of Americans.  And, I can see why, at least partially.

Why is there so much fear being expressed?  It could be that they are students of history, and they fear we're doomed to repeat it.  It could be that their personal history and experience tells them that people who act like x or talk like y are dangerous.  It very well is a fear of the unknown. 

Are the fears unwarranted? Perhaps. Perhaps not.  However, my thought on what is missing is that people are seeing things from only their perspective, without stopping to view someone else's point of view.  When that happens, there's really no opportunity for civil discourse.  There's no allowance for another's experience, for their knowledge, for their history, for their voice to be heard.  It's a matter of perspective.

What is perspective? Well, if you're drawing, it is used to give the illusion of depth and distance.  Or, if we want to keep things in proper perspective, it's to view things in their true relations or relative importance.  It is the interrelation in which a subject or its parts are mentally viewed.  It comes from the Latin perspectus, past participle of perspicere to look through, see clearly, from per- through + specere to look." This, and the other definitions, can be read from the Merriam-Webster dictionary here.  There's also an interesting discussion of perspective and its relation to standpoint, and the way one sees things because of who one is and what one does.  That seems like a poignant thought.

I have felt in the past that I am one who could open my eyes to see others for who they are, and to see things from their point of view.  I think most are familiar with the saying of "walking a mile in someone else's shoes."  When we do that, we have a chance to see others, to better understand them, to empathize with them.    We can see why they might see things differently than we do. 

However, I've found that when fear and pain set in, I have very little chance to see anyone's perspective but my own.  That's a physiological response.  But, unless I counter it, I will prevent myself from being able to logically interact with another person.  I won't be able to see their view point.  I may not be able to see them at all if I'm too gripped by fear.

We need to take the time to wear another's shoes, to understand each other's stories, to hear another's history.  After we've done that, we can then have opportunity to relate, to appreciate the other's perspective and move forward together.

Day 36 - Public office, a pursuit of service or insanity?

While I've continued writing, I've not posted them lately. I mentioned at the start that some entries wouldn't be for public consumption. They may not even be for private consumption.

A lot has happened in the past week. Amid the more public items, we've elected a new president, along with many other officials, initiatives and referendums. A number of candidates for which I voted did get elected, including presidential, gubenatorial, state house or senate. I knew some wouldn't, and thought others would. Nevertheless, I was able to exercise my right to vote (thanks to my wife dropping off my ballot since I was out of town in business).

While I join others who wonder what the future holds with the incoming elect, I'm even more in wonder at our form of government. The founding fathers of our nation had such foresight to craft a living document that has successfully provided for a peaceful exchange of power for the past 229 years (since drafted). What an incredible balance of powers they created in the executive, legislative and judicial branches. It's what gives me hope that we'll survive the next two/four years (and would have regardless of candidate).  Because of how it works.

I think our government was designed to have people from different walks of life serve for a period of time, with others from diverse backgrounds. The goal is to have these diverse representatives come together to make sure our government remains one that is of the people, for the people and by the people. A government that maintains a proper separation of powers, that maintains freedom for all citizens, allowing them to live in peace and order with others. And then, once that service is done, one returns to private life.

I studied history and political science in college.  It fascinated me.  I've often thought of running for political office.  I think the interest started at Boys' State. Still, one of the goals on my life goals list is to successfully hold a statewide and/or national office. That may cause me to be disowned by my father-in-law (at least it's not to become a lawyer, Jim).

And yet, despite pondering it often, I've not elected to run for an office. I've been elected to boards and chosen for commmittees, but I've never ran (since Boys' State).
In part, I've been too busy with life: family, church, and career pursuits--of which I do not believe politician should be a career. But, there's also elements of fear, rejection and thinking I may not truly have anything of worth to offer.  It seems like many things would also be sacrificed as a public servant. I suppose that is similar in some respects to the sacrifices made as a ministerial servant. I know something of that.

Given the media coverage these days, I'm not sure one would ever again have a private life upon entering the political arena. It would have to be hard fought, and even harder to maintain. The time is most definitely not now. Someday, perhaps.

In the meantime, I'll pray for wisdom, guidance, blessing, and peace for our elected officials, for our military, and for our nation. Lord knows we need it.

May God bless the United States of America.

Day 28 (Nov 6) – Where Am I?

Proverbs 16 sits on my mind this evening as I wonder where I am wandering.  I guess I need “the proper answer of the tongue.”  Many plans are in a holding pattern.  Some plans have been scuttled. Some were too grandiose.  Some, too costly.

Solomon acknowledged that humans in their hearts plan their course, but the Lord establishes the steps.  I feel frozen in step right now.  I don’t know that there is a clear plan to be executed right now.  Does that mean I’m just going through the motions?  There are contingency plans, but it doesn’t seem like the time to execute them either.

I feel like a ship far from land, with no terrestrial reference by which to navigate.  The motors are turning, the props are churning, but no progress seems to be made.  That gives one pause to stop.  Wasting fuel benefits no one. 

Is the proper course identified?  What means of navigation is to be used?  Are there things to be jettisoned to lighten the ship?  Is there a ship that’s sea/airworthy to continue?

I believe God in his sovereignty has a master plan for each of us.  I do believe he guides and directs, if we are willing to listen.  I want to listen.  I am listening, straining, begging, pleading to hear.

I’ll keep asking for wisdom, for guidance, for the proper answer.

Day 26 (Nov 4) – Humility and Selfish Ambition (or, “One of these Things Is not Like the Other)

Imitating Christʼs Humility

1Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. (Philippians 2:1-4, NIV)

This section comes right after Paul told the church at Philippi to live a life worthy of the Gospel.  It’s a life in which he says we should believe in Christ, and not only believe, but also suffer for him.

What are the two greatest commandments of the Gospel? Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself.  Those are Jesus' words, not Paul's.  But, the Man formerly known as Saul is referring to that, is he not?

Paul goes on to talk about Christ's humility, becoming a servant, even to the point of death.  That's the example we're supposed to follow.

Is Paul speaking about specifically preaching the Gospel, or is he talking about living life in general?  Is there a difference?

My heart hurts, knowing that I’ve done things out of selfish ambition, looking after my interests.  Does it matter if I was trying to look at the interests of others at the same time? 

Day 24 - What a Game

Baseball is my favorite sport. The combination of 150-plus years of history, the statistics, the pace of the game, and the drama that ensues.  There's nothing else quite like it. What a finish to a dramatic Series. What a game to encapsulate the season and end a 108-year drought.

Someday, the Mariners will be on this stage.

Day 23 - How are you?

"Fantastic."

"Great."

"Good."

"Doing well."

"Fine, thank you."

"OK"

"Meh."

"Not well."

"Shitty. And you?"

(choose one)

When exchanging pleasantries, there are days when "Just OK" is accurate.  And, there are days when it's a lie.  When someone responds to "OK" with, "Just OK?", and you reply back, "Just OK," do they really want to know if you're not OK.  Perhaps.  Perhaps not. But, sometimes, it's all you've got to say.

I've become much more cognizant over the years of how people respond when you greet them.  When I have time, I'll try to inquire for more details.  At times, I don't have time.  So, I try to find something encouraging to say.  If I can make time, I'll ask if they have time later to talk. 

But, do you ever hope they'll ask you?  Or, do you avoid the conversation all together? I've been there, done that.  Sometimes, I wish they'd ask.  Still other times, I hope they don't ask.

I think we're supposed to "consider one another, to provoke unto love and good works." Well, that's the writer of Hebrews words, not mine (yes, that's KJV).  Paul says we're supposed to "be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (NIV)  Good words to try and live by; wish I was more successful at it.

What's the gist of this?  I'm thankful for people that want to know how I am doing.  I work to be a person that wants to know how others are doing.  And, I'm trying to not be so busy that people don't think I want to know, because I do.

Day 22 - Musical Time Machine

On a pleasurable, late October Sunday afternoon, I decided to do a two-fer by raking up leaves in the front yard (chores and physical activity).  As there were just a few leaves left on the tree and they weren't magically disappearing from the the yard, it seems like a good opportunity to expend some energy.  I decided to grab some ear buds and listen to some music while I worked.  While trying to decide on which albums would be my soundtrack, I opted to go to some that have been in my collection for a while.  In doing so, I traveled into my own personal "Wayback (WABAC) Machine."

Disclaimer:  When it comes to the Rock and Pop genres, I've typically been one to buy compilation albums of artists, rather than individual albums.  That could be because my tape collection had been filled with multiple albums from BeBe and CeCe Winans, Take6, Petra, Phil Driscoll, First Call, Michael W. Smith, White Heart, Bryan Duncan, Allies and numerous other Christian groups.  So, when I first decided to buy heathen tracks, I purchased the "Best of" albums because I knew most, if not all, of the songs on them.  I credit my now brother-in-law Mike for introducing me to the Best of Kansas while he was rocking out to it vacuuming the fellowship hall of First Assembly on his Walkman some afternoon in the late 80's.  Carry On, My Oldest not-Wayward brother-in-law.

As I've pulled almost all of my CDs into iTunes, you can see the compilation albums as you scroll through the artists:  The Best of the Doobie Brothers, The Eagles Their Greatest Hits & Best of the Eagles (Vol. II), The Very Best of Foreigner, Genesis' The Way We Walk Vol. One: The Shorts (Live), Journey's Greatest Hits, The Police Every Breath You Take, The Singles, The Steve Miller Band's Greatest Hits 1974-78, Toto's Past to Present: 1977-1990, etc.  Maybe it's because I'm frugal and its the most bang for your musical buck.

Second disclaimer: I also like listening to albums in the song order in which they were produced.  While I don't typically dive into the history of each album/song, I figured there was a reason for the layout; that's the way the artist wanted the album presented, without skipping over songs (which has been so much easier to do since the CD days).  So, listen to it in that order, I do.  Perhaps it's a bit of OCD in me.  By the way, that's one thing that bugs me about one of the last iTunes updates: its propensity for shuffling albums.  Leave those tracks alone! (Sorry, wrong British artist.)


There are artists, however, where I have multiple albums. And, two of them were on Sunday's playlist: Sting and Harry Connick, Jr.

First up, Sting's Ten Summoner's Tales (a play on his surname).

While I had an appreciation for The Police in the early and mid 80's, I was much more of a fan of their former lead singer after he went solo.  If I remember correctly, Ryan Korb had a cassette of Sting's The Soul Cages the summer we graduated from high school, with "All This Time" (the first radio single off of the album) being my favorite track.  I didn't buy it personally, but that song in particular has been a favorite since it first came out.  We even covered said tune at Navigate a few years back.  But, I digress.

It was Sting's distinctive tenor, his affinity for funky time signatures and his lyrical content that I found most interesting.  Thanks to Columbia House and/or BMG (I/we belonged to both at various points in time), I picked up Fields of Gold: The Best of Sting 1984-1994 in '94, and the aforementioned Tales in '95.  While I also bought Mercury Falling the next year, it never stuck with me as much as the other two albums.

Back to Tales.  I don't know that there's a song on the album that I don't like.  But, I really like "If I Ever Lose My Faith in You" (also covered in the past at Navigate), "Love is Stronger Than Justice (The Munificent Seven)," "Seven Days," "Saint Augustine in Hell," and "Epilogue (Nothing 'Bout Me)." It's their lyrical content, their time signatures, the musicianship, the packaging of each song that I appreciate.  They stories Sting tells in using all of those dynamics grabs me every time, as I'm singing along with him.

Sting has numerous times where he's wrestled with spiritual matters on his albums.  I hear it, and I appreciate it.  Matters of faith come up often in his work, but especially in this album.  Look and listen to the songs I mentioned above.  Or, in his song where he seemingly gives up on any faith in God, "It's Probably Me."  While I know I haven't shared the same spiritual journey as Mr. Sumner, I appreciate how he wrestles with faith in his music.  Even as I wrestle with it recently, the questions resonate in me, although with different resolve.

In listening to that album on Sunday afternoon, I was taken back to our first apartment at Fairway View Apartments in Bothell: 16724 Juanita Drive NE, Apt D-413.  I can remember listening to the album there, and on road trips in both my '92 GTI and my first '92 Saturn SL2. (I shouldn't have sold the latter to my brother--oh, the joys of a growing family, sports hatchbacks, to sedans to minivans).

It's funny how music can help you recollect times and places.  It's a powerful tool, the combination of lyrics and melody.  Songs that come on the radio can take you instantly back to a situation, which I've already given numerous examples of in this post.  Perhaps it's the combination of ethos, pathos and logos all in musical form that interests me.  Ive always appreciated performing it.  And, I appreciate it's use in worship, in recreation, at work, in therapy, etc. 

I have more to say, but it's late enough for now.  More on Harry and his influence another time.

Day 21 - Fear Not

Sharing my notes from today's message:

Say What? Fear Not
Andy Manley
October 30, 2016

Mark 4:35-41

Are we fearful of the circumstances, or are we fearful of the outcome, wondering if Jesus is even there?

Jesus is there, and he knows the outcome. He can rest in the circumstances, because he is in control.

When we are in the storm, there are not easy answers to make the storms go away.

Fear creates a story.

Genesis 19:31-33. Lot and his daughters' plot to preserve their family line. They were reacting out of fear, rather than turning to God.

Fear confuses our decision making. (This is a biological response, BTW)

Back to the Mark passage, Jesus' disposition was of rest, calm and peace.  He was sleeping on a cushion!

He's promised to be with us, to never forsake us. He's here with us in life's storms.

Remember, you're exactly where God wants you. He's setting the stage for what's next.

The bigger the circumstances, the more reliant we need to be on God.

"Fear not, for I am with you," says the Lord.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭41:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The message of the gospel is hope in the middle of the storm. Jesus is fully authorized to deal with the mess, the storm.

Day 20 - Distraction leads to lazy days (or, when you don't have a plan...)

Is it a lack of focus that causes distraction, or is it distraction that causes a lack of focus?   

Today was a day that held a lot of potential.  With the IFR weather, the early morning flight lesson was cancelled, so I decided at 5:05 that I’d go back to sleep for a few more hours.  But, I didn’t go back to sleep right away, thanks to a combination of a headache and various thoughts running through my head.  Thoughts of all sorts: about the week, last night’s festivities, the family, work, flying, the house, exercise….no squirrels, but lots of hamster wheeling.

After about forty minutes of various trains leaving the station, I dozed off until 6:30, when Ramsey (who slept at my feet all night, keeping me quarantined under the covers to a fourth of the bed) decided he need to go outside.  After letting him out and a couple of acetaminophen, I figured I’d try to sleep some more, as no one else had stirred.  It was nice to get a chance to sleep in, which isn’t usually the case these days. 

When I did get out of bed, I had some breakfast and coffee while briefly browsing social media and then reading some posts on an online forum I found a few weeks ago.  The weather was still dreary, the coffee was hot, the girls were sleeping, and Jill was writing at her desk.  So, a lazy morning I decided it would be.

A few hours went by, and I decided to go downstairs and wake up Number Four, since her friend who had spent the night had already been up for an hour.  I then checked in on the computer.  I had some thoughts from Day 17’s writing that I wanted to finish, which I did, after going down a few rabbit holes on Kierkegaard and subjective vs. objective truth .  In the process, I started a load of laundry after an inquiry about such was made, and finished the writing.  Oh, and Ryan Divish's article on King Felix and what he needs to do in the off-season to return to his throne in 2017.

Saturday college football was on, including Rocky playing Tech at home.  I didn't feel like heading up the street to the Rocky Bowl, and after surfing through a few games, nothing really caught my fancy.  I dottled on Twitter for a bit, but again, nothing overly exciting.  I ended up surfing channels some more while waiting to switch loads.  Then, I had to re-run a load because something akin to lip gloss (My lip gloss is cool, my lip gloss be poppin’) was on half of the items.

Got the load re-washed and then I needed to get ready as we were going to see the late matinee of Inferno.  That sounded like fun entertainment. 

So, in and out of the shower and out the door to the theater (IMAX is an extra $5/ticket, and for this movie, wasn't worth the extra).  It was a semi-entertaining movie with some properly-dressed eye candy and a Armageddon-preventing plot successfully fulfilled.  I don't think Mr. Hanks (not the eye candy) will win an Oscar.  As the movie is finishing, I get texts and phone calls about where we are, and where is T?  She forgot she's supposed to go babysit with a friend.  So, we drop the youngest at her friend’s and head back.  

Upon returning home, switch out the laundry load and fold it while watching the Indians and Cubs in Game #4 (What’s up with the Cubs offense this off-season? So much for my "Cubs in six" prediction--sorry, Tren).  A bit more browsing social media and the forum (with some interspersed tears), a quick chat with Stands in Cabbage Patch, play fetch with Ramsey a few times as I fast forward through the commercials and suddenly, it’s 10:30. 

Where did the day go?  What did I get done?  There are a lot of things that could have been done today that would have been a lot more productive.  Is it okay to be lazy now and again? I suppose it is, but—in hindsight--having a definitive plan and working it to get some stuff done probably would have made me feel more accomplished.

It’s easy to get distracted.  Maybe that’s an excuse for being lazy.

Day 16 - The Right Thing?

Sometimes, I wish doing the right thing meant doing the easy thing.  When you feel like you're at your wit's end, it doesn't always come to your mind as the first thing to do.  However, I will act based on what is consistent with my character.  That's a willful desire to act based on the character I strive to obtain. (See earlier post on working out said character.)

Day 17 & 19 are in the books, but I don't think I have anything from day 18.  Not a bad average, to date.

This writing inspiration, by the way (see-I typed it out, kids), comes from my talented wife's encouragement of others to join her in a 100-day writing effort.  She's sharing her talents, and her story, at jillriley.blogspot.com.  Check it out.  You will see how amazing she is.

Day 15 - 23,126,400 minutes

Twenty-three million, one hundred twenty-six thousand, four hundred minutes. 

You have to add some thirty-second notes, or maybe sixty-fourth notes to make that fit the song from Rent. 

How do you measure, measure a life?

In cars? 17 owned

In addresses? 16, I believe, in 14 domiciles (but only one in the last 19 years).

In towns? 10

In schools?  8

In full-time jobs? 6 (one in two, different stints)

In kids? 4

In countries visited? 3

In wives? 1

In games called? over 900  In total hours flown? 554.1  In hours worked? Roughly 51,500 hours

I think I'll stick with the song.  I'll measure it in love. Love from many.  Love for many.  Immeasurable love from God above.

Day 14 - Plankeye

Well, I cannot credit Jon Warneke for coining the term plankeye, as it appears that there was a Christian alternative band with said name. Nevertheless, the point is made. How many times have I went to help someone out with the speck in their eye and smacked them up side the head with the plank in mine?

If you're unfamiliar with the story, see Matthew 7:1-5 from Jesus' Sermon on the Mount.  I appreciate Eugene Peterson's paraphrase of the section in The Message:

Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? It’s this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭7:1-5‬ ‭MSG‬‬

"Playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part."  The Bard noted some time after that "All the world's a stage, and all the men are merely players."  We all have our parts, and it's what God's given us in this life. Don't be jumping on others unless you expect them to jump back, and not in the 80's sense.

Jon notes that plankeye leads one to say, "You are wrong and even though I am wrong, I am right."  We may do it out of pride, arrogance, exclusivity, or something else. But, it gets away from what Jesus spent the previous two chapters of the Sermon discussing. One needs to be reviewing one's character and acting as Jesus commands.  We aren't suppose to do it the way the world does it, but the way Jesus tells us. Otherwise, we are just foolish men who build our houses on the sand.

Jesus used hyperbole (speck vs. plank or camel/eye of the needle) to make a point. Why should we criticize someone else for a fault if we're blind to our own considerable faults? (NIV Study Bible notes on Luke 6:41)

It's not that we aren't suppose to judge, but that we're not to judge hypocritically or self-righteously.  Why? Because we're not the ones with the authority to pronounce judgment.  That belongs to God. However, God did put within each of us the ability to discern right and wrong. It's what Paul writes to the Romans about in the second chapter, in talking about the law of God being written on our hearts, so that we're without excuse.

If I should correct a fellow believer (not a non-believer), Jon reminded what Paul was getting at in Galatians 6:1 - I better be led by the Spirit, have a heart for restoration and be acting in humility and gently, or I'm just a hypocrite.

God, surgically remove the plank from my eyes.

Days 11-13

I have written topics for each of the past three days about intimacy, anger and emotions--why do we need them?  But, I'm not posting them as of now.  I'd like to share with a few for their feedback, but it's not for public consumption at this point.  Nevertheless, this deliberate introspection is a good thing, I think.

Day 10 - Integrity

The etymology of words fascinates me.  I've subscribed to Merriam-Webster's "Word of the Day" e-mail for, oh, ten or more years now.  Personal goals have been set before to utilize the respective Word of the Day in a social media post, or in a broadcast, or in a work e-mail--with a limited success rate.  For example, today's (October 19) WOTD is colubrine - adj. :of, relating to, or resembling a snake. 

Sometimes it's hard to incorporate said word. In a recent picture my wife posted on Facebook, I would have said, "The colubrine water hose peeked out of the snow covering our back patio, trying to slither its way over the fence into the backyard."  Nevertheless, I want to continue learning and make use of what I learn, and that includes expanding my vocabulary.

When speaking or teaching, I often share the meaning and history of words/discussion terms used to hopefully add meaning and understanding, especially the nuances between denotations and the connotations ascribed to words.  That predisposition led the Parkhill youth group kids (and my kids) nicknaming me Webster.  I guess I'm kind of like Mr. Portokalos in My Big, Fat Greek Wedding, except I acknowledge that not ever word in the English language derives from Greek (however, a fair number do--"There you go.").

A word that circulates through my head often, and especially in the last number of months, is integrity.  Here is Merriam-Webster's definition:

integrity

noun in·teg·ri·ty \in-ˈte-grə-tē\

Simple Definition of integrity

• : the quality of being honest and fair
• : the state of being complete or whole

Full Definition of integrity

1. 1 :  firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values :  incorruptibility
2. 2 :  an unimpaired condition :  soundness
3. 3 :  the quality or state of being complete or undivided :  completeness

Origin and Etymology of integrity

Middle English integrite, from Middle French & Latin; Middle French integrité, from Latin integritat-, integritas, from integr-, integer entire
First Known Use: 14th century

Synonyms

character, decency, goodness, honesty, morality, probity, rectitude, righteousness, rightness, uprightness, virtue, virtuousness

We often used integrity to talk about structural soundness or quality of an artistic work, but it's the first definition listed above that rings through my head.  And, when discussing a person, it's the synonyms of character, decency, goodness, honesty, that I want to resonate in my life.  I want it to show in my professional life and in my personal life. That requires my entire being to be sound, undivided, complete.

On Monday evening, I met with my flight student who is at the end of course point to review his paperwork and prepare his application for the check ride--or so we thought.  Upon review of his logbook and training records, I found he was short by almost an hour of the 3.0 hours required for simulated instrument training.  I later found that his solo cross-country flight didn't meet the criteria specified in the regulations.  These definitely were issues to be addressed.

With the student having worked with multiple instructors previously, there are numerous things that could have caused this problem: clerical errors in the training system or in his logbook, an oversight by an instructor on the particular lesson's requirements, an honest mistake, etc.  So, how to remedy the problem?

Could we have revised his logbook and training records to add on those lessons where it was required the .2 or .3 hours to make the totals match what was required?  Sure, as the integrity of the more structured Part 141 course in which he's enrolled usually ensures that the training happens logically and in sequence.  So, I could chalk it up to clerical errors, but when things were missing in both the logbook and training system entry, that didn't seem the likely possibility. And, to fabricate entries to satisfy requirements could definitely affect the integrity of the student's training, especially with such an important skill that may be required in an emergency.  Trying to check the boxes to satisfy an application isn't worth risking a student's life.

So, I inquired with the lead flight instructor that evening and then with the director of flight operations the next morning concerning how we could proceed.  They concurred with the assessment that we needed to supplement training to ensure the requirements were properly met, and that the school would pay for the two extra flights required to do so.  It was the right thing to do.  The director thanked me for advocating for my student.  It wasn't difficult, as it was the right thing to do to ensure his training was complete.

If only personal integrity was always as easy.  It's something for which I consistently strive.  But, there are times where I feel like Paul did in his writing to the Romans, "For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out."  "What a wretched man I am!" 

It's more than just being seen as a person of character, one who is decent, honest, moral.  It's about being a whole being. Complete.  Jesus calls for us to follow God's example of perfect love in Matthew 5.  Not that that one will ever be complete/perftect this side of heaven, but one can definitely make it a goal, right?  Maybe it goes with what James says about perseverance being able to finish its work so one can be mature and complete. 

I want to be a man of integrity, in every sense of the word.

Day 8 - Situational Awareness

I'm currently flying with two student pilots. One of them is brand new to the program this fall. The other started flying spring semester last year and is finishing up the private pilot course

For my more experienced student, it's been an interesting thing to begin working with him after he's already completed three quarters of the course. It doesn't give one the opportunity to use the learning principle of primacy, as in many ways, he's already established patterns and methods of procedures. It's more a lesson in recency. And, given that he's preparing to take his check ride, it's my duty to make sure he's ready and that everything is in order.

The penultimate flight in the syllabus is final opportunity for the instructor to ensure the student is ready for the End of Course (EOC) oral and flight exam. That check ride covers many things.  Along with checking the applicant's knowledge of systems, weather, airspace, numerous areas of emphasis, performance of standard maneuvers, traffic pattern work, takeoffs and landings, and emergency procedures.  Ultimately, the question is, "Can the applicant safely and successfully command the aircraft from preflight to post-flight?

One of the things a check airman or designated pilot examiner (DPE) reviews on the check ride is a student's ability to plan a cross-country flight, using those navigation systems available in the aircraft and the all-important skills of pilotage and dead reckoning (eyeballs, a map, a plotter and computations). Not only does the DPE review the plan, but they start out the exam flight as though they're heading on said trip.

As I have not have the ability to fly a cross country with this student, I asked him to plan a flight so that I could review it with him. We did so on the ground, and although the student's mileage, ground speed, and fuel burn calculations looked good, his course numbers didn't appear to match the course he had drawn out on the map. Thinking he'd backed up his plan with radio navigation (seeing the course plotted along a Victor airway), I wanted to see how the student would react when his flight wasn't going to according to plan. And, given that we were pushing into the hours after sunset, I also wanted to see how he did with the added difficulty of changing conditions (losing daylight and a solid broken layer).

The student did the preflight inspection and had prepared the cabin well, a reflection of good single pilot resource management (SRM) which we had discussed after a couple of previous flights. It gave me some hope.  Except, during the Before Takeoff checklist task of setting COM/NAV (entering the proper frequencies and identifying nav stations to be used), he didn't set his nav course.  Hmm. 

Not too long after departure, when we flew over the radio navigation station that also began the airway and the heading selected didn't match, it became evident to this instructor that the flight wasn't going to go according to plan.

After reaching the top of climb (an important checkpoint for fuel consumption calculations and flight planning), I asked the student where his check point for such was on the map.  He had chosen a town to be used for such, and noted it would be off his left wing, which it was, although at a greater distance than he realized. As the student changed heading for his next checkpoint, it became more evident that he was getting farther off course.  This will of course happen sometimes when the actual winds aloft are different than the forecast.  So, I let it go on for about 20 minutes before I asked the student to identify where he was on the map and in relation to his plan course.  After fumbling around numerous times in the dark cockpit for his map and his plotter, he came to the realization that he was well off course (over five miles).

I asked the student how he thought the fight was going. He answered, rather sullenly, "Not very well." I concurred, but I wanted to help him realize what he could use to rectify the situation.  While he knew he was not flying his plan, we discussed what tools could be used to help with situational awareness.  We then tackled one of the other tough topics of aircraft navigation, diverting to an unplanned location.

For those with good spatial orientation, using a map to divert isn't an overly difficult thing to do. However, if the student isn't sure of his location, situational awareness can be a big factor.  I, and a few instructors before me, noticed situational awareness to be an issue with this student.  As such, I have been working intently on helping the student to use all resources available to him to determine and maintain situational awareness.

After asking the student to divert to a certain airport, I watched him try and figure out where that airport was and how he was going to get there.  Again, darkness masked some of the landmarks he would've normally use. However, the lights of towns and cars on the interstate set against the dark backdrop of the ground helped him out.  Although initially he correctly identified the town, he then doubted his spacial orientation, which led him to start to head towards another town in the opposite direction.

Once again, as an instructor, one wants to use teaching moments when possible and give the student tools to be successful.  So, I asked him what other tools he could use to verify his location and new destination.  He made use of the multiple navigation systems in the aircraft to pinpoint our location and head towards our new, alternate destination.  We did a flyover an the non-towered airport, then a touch and go before heading back to our home airport.  (We subsequently did a follow-up flight where the plan was subsequently executed satisfactorily).

As with flying, situational awareness is very important in numerous circumstances. I try and stress that when I'm teaching my children how to drive.  Whether it's a trip across town or across the country, you need to have a plan, know where you're at and how to handle detours when they arise.  I've tried to set an example for them when we go on a road trips, telling them (when they're interested) our planned route, or having them navigate while I drive.  It's hard to figure out where you're going if you don't know where you are currently.

When life happens, one has to maintain situational awareness in order to navigate those events. Without using all available resources, it is easy to become lost, especially when detour are required. As pilots, we sometimes want to avoid the fact that we have made a mistake, and especially admit when we are lost. However, there are "5 Cs" that we do to help remedy that situation.  Confess,  Climb, Conserve, Communicate and Comply. (Circle is sometimes added as a sixth). 

• Confess--admit you are lost
• Climb--altitude helps you get the big picture (literally), keeps you out of terrain and gives you more options should you have an engine failure
• Conserve--reduce power, which slows your airspeed and fuel consumption
• Communicate--contact ATC or FSS to confess and give your last known location
• Comply--Follow the instructions given by ATC, FSS and/or your navigation systems to get back on course, or head to safety.

We need to do the same thing when unusual circumstances arise in life.  Often times, we can turn to a spouse, other family, or friends.  Sometimes, we need to turn to professionals: subject matter experts, therapists, doctors.  However, every time, we need to turn to God.  I think he patiently waits for us to perform the "5 Cs" when we are in dire straits.  He wants to help, if we remember to involve him.  If we listen for the Holy Spirit's voice, he's there prompting us, reminding us to use our resources.

More importantly, we need to remember that God provides us with the tools needed to maintain situational awareness in life, so that we don't keep getting lost. If we don't use them, who's fault is it but our own?

Day 7 - "God knows."

Jesus has authority, all authority in heaven and on Earth, that was given to him by God the Father.  He came to Earth to live out that authority while in the frail, temporal form that is our human body.  He became flesh and dwelt among us. He grew in wisdom and stature, learning what it was like to be human.  He was tempted in all points like we are, yet he was without sin.

We know that Jesus' words--even as a boy--amazed those who heard them, especially since he didn't come from a prestigious background. He always took responsibility for his words and his actions.  And, Jesus took responsibility for his emotions. 

Even being tempted in the desert, or while praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus could have used his trump card to get out of what had been planned for him since the foundation of the worlds.  But, he took responsibility for his authority, fulfilling his mission by remaining in control of himself.  

I was reminded at church this morning that God knows where we are. He knows what we are going through.  Jesus reminded us in the Sermon on the Mount that we shouldn't worry about what we eat, drink, wear, even the hairs on our head or the number of minutes in our lives. Rather, we should seek God's kingdom and his righteousness first. Then, these things will be added unto us.  Why?  Because God knows who we are and where we are? Yes, but, I'm reminded tonight that God knows the how and why of who, what, where and when we are.

God knows what it's like to hurt as a human. He knows what it's like to be shamed, guilted, invalidated, neglected, abused, abandoned. He knows what it's like to be framed for things, to be accused of capital crimes. Yet, he didn't sin.  Not once. He was responsible for his feelings and acted appropriately. He was responsible for his words and acted as such. He was responsible for his authority given to him.  And so, he asks for us to do the same, having provided both the perfect example in Jesus, and the Counselor/Comforter in the Holy Spirit to reminded us that he knows what it's like where we are and what's happening. 

I am not responsible for other people's actions (unless I somehow manipulated or exerted authority over them).  I am not responsible for other people's words.  I am not responsible for other people's emotions.

I am responsible for my actions.  I am responsible for my tongue.  I am responsible for my emotions. I am responsible for those over whom I've been given some sort of authority.  And, I follow Christ's example to do such, because God knows. 

Days 3 & 4 - done

I did write on both days 3 and 4, but I'm not posting them in their entirety.  The keys from them:

• Day 3 
• I've had numerous reminders that God is in control of my life, and that I need to remember to turn to him.  I've known that.  I've seen that.  I need to continue to trust that he is directing my steps.
• Day 4
• I need to be emotionally intelligent (PMIMT seminar last Saturday was a timely reminder)
• When I'm emotionally hijacked, I'm not thinking clearly. I've had no tigers jump out at me to  cause the fight response that wells up.  I will be in control my emotions.
• James says, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." (James 1:19)
• Perhaps emotional intelligence isn't such a "new" idea

Day 2 - Kyle's 8 Fs

Just over a month ago, I was reading an e-mail from All Pro Dad with the subject "Are Your Priorities Reflected in Your Day to Day Life?"  The author was talking about sharing in a small group about what five things do you consider are most important in your life. And then, the follow up: What, in turn, takes up the majority of your time throughout the week?

It caused me to ponder.  Can I narrow down my goals list down to the most important things in a few words?  After rattling off the usual suspects, "Faith, family, friends..." I went to one of the big, empty whiteboards in my office to write them down. In doing so,  I also went down the alliteration rabbit hole, as all good points/illustrations/mnemonics should be catchy, right?

"Fitness, finances, flying."  That was six, but I put flying on there as it relates to a career goal, and I couldn't come up with a synonym for career or job that started with the letter "F."

In all of these things, I thought there should be elements of freedom and fun. And so, I ended up with my 8 Fs.  While it seem clever, at least memorable, it also made me think that on a traditional grading scale, Fs are not a good thing to see.  And, when I grade myself on prioritization of these items, I find myself noting various seasons where I've assigned that grade to my lack of prioritization...sometimes in multiple areas.

There have definitely been times where the order has been switched, and not in the healthiest of listings.  While always trying to keep the first two at the top, as the primary provider for my family, for me, finances have often fell right under family in the list.  That too often wiped out friends and fitness.

The goal, especially for the last ten years after going through FPU (there's a lot of "Fs" here), has been to free us from debt, so that we can have freedom and fun, both in the short and long term.  After financing my instrumental rating and commercial certificate prior to that course, it meant to me that I needed to put flying aside until I could pay for the CFI out of pocket; that came three years later.  That, to me, was worth delaying the pursuit to get my family closer to freedom.

Alas, the extra work required to try and meet those financial goals--which were delayed as life happens with a family of six--robbed one of my most important resources, time.  It not only robbed me of it, it robbed my family of it.  How does that grade out? 

And, when you try to work through frustration with multiple goals by working 90-100 hours a week, you get more Fs, the grade type, and less of the prioritized list for which you were working in the first place.  That's failure.

So, I have the current order above.  My goal is the keep the first three at the top, in the order listed.  The bottom three will switch around, but they cannot come above the top two, which are most dearest to me, faith and family.

Who am I?

After reading my wife's encouragement to others on Facebook to join her in a similar endeavor to her 100-day journaling project at jillriley.blogspot.com--one that I think is must-read material--I've been debating about doing just that.  I'm not sure that I'll make it entirely public.  In fact, I'm certain that I will not make it all public, perhaps certain days that might resonate with others.  And, being as how I've never been one to consistently journal, it will be a challenge to make it seven days, let alone a hundred.  However, I think introspection in written form would be very beneficial to me.  So, here's Day 1.

It's two weeks until my forty-fourth birthday (if I finish this in the next fifty-three minutes and thirty seconds).  That seems strange to write.  I've yet to feel like I'm a middle-aged man. I don't think I fit the complete caricature of Mike Myers' SNL skit, save some of his "super" powers and the gut (I'm working on it).  Oh, and when I have an injury, sports-related or otherwise, I've noticed it doesn't heal very quickly.  Nevertheless, time keeps on slippin'... (you're welcome for the Steve Miller Band ear worm).

But, the question that I've been pondering a lot over the past few years remains.  Who am I?

I can go with what I've listed for my Twitter profile: Pastor's husband to @ejillriley, proud father of a US airman & 3 teens, Montanan, CFI, play-by-play, project mgr, Mariners & Vikings fan. Working on patience.

That list is accurate, albeit incomplete, as far as describing me.  But, does it describe who I am?

I can list other descriptors/roles:  son, brother, friend, musician, extrovert, teacher, former board member, former coach.  But, does that say who I am?

"What do your friends say about you?"  Friendly, fun-loving, corny, kind, caring, romantic (read sappy), trustworthy, loyal, good work ethic, provides for his family, someone with a good memory, annoying game winner.  At least, I think that's what they say.

Oh, sure, I can go the Biblical route and proclaim that I am a child of God, a sinner saved by grace thanks to a salvific faith in Christ.  But, there are millions of others who can make that claim.  And, while I know I've been uniquely made, and given certain gifts and skills that I've used with varying degrees of success, I still question, "Who am I?"

I just opened up my list of goals that I first created on my 34th birthday.  Of the 21 that are currently listed, only one is crossed off, and that one came at great price.  I have one that definitely has been carried out over six of the past seven years, but I don't feel I can cross it off yet; I don't want it to be complete.  There are four or five others that are in process, but the rest? Well, I've got a long ways to go.  But, do my goals answer the question of who I am?

In light of recent history, I have been trying to determine the answer to this question.  I need to be able to answer this question.  I want to be able to readily share that answer and be able to say it confidently, as though the answer means something.

It's my current mission.